So you've enrolled in a few personal development courses, maybe even hired a coach. You've thought long and hard about it and have decided to dedicate more time to figuring out why you're here and what your gifts and talents are. You are going along your merry way but you stop suddenly. This personal growth work can be tough. If you felt chewed up and spat out by life when you had no idea who you were or what you were doing before, oh boy, are you in for one helluva a rollercoaster ride!
I'm not trying to scare you off. Far from it, dear one. You are here because you want the raw, non-cuddly version of gutsy living? Maybe you came across this blog post on the interwebs looking for a soothing, gentle post that's going to inspire you into action. This post may not be the one you wanted. But it might be just what you need.
I've spent the last 3.5 years blogging here, guest blogging and writing for online publications and I've read an absolute cacophony of advice blogs. There is so much rich and beautiful wisdom out there, no doubt about it. There's a lot of highlight reels and coming out of the dark into the light posts. They all have value and an audience who needs it.
One thing that has concerned me in my own blogging and writing experience, is worrying about how my message is taken and what people might think. Truth is, it took me a couple of years to actually share myself being raw and real and when I did, I felt so much better and people would contact me to let me know that they appreciated it.
There's always so much talk about being authentic and showing up just as you are. But is everyone who writes about being authentic, being their truest and most honest self? I'm not sure. What I know for sure is, how I choose to show up in the world. When put on the spot, or when I have time to consider my answer, my natural instinct is honesty. I say and I write how I feel and what I think. Sometimes I soften the blow a bit, and other times I'm raw, real and very direct. It's important to be who we are. We all have multi-faceted personalities and we aren't always in the same mood for the same things.
My intention with anything I do or share, is to provoke an action, a new way of thinking, a new belief or practice, and to help heal with the messages I serve.
Several times this week I had an all too common feeling that washed over me. I felt drained, dejected and all 'woe is me'. Why the fuck am I doing this? I don't believe I've sworn in this space before. I'm feeling unapologetic about it because I've been hustling and it has driven me to the point where it feels unbearable, and there is no other word I can muster up to explain what I'm feeling in my body right now.
Personal growth is painful. Really painful. On the brink of tears, madness and losing my usual composed vibe. I can for the most part, be unshakeable, but then, I slip away from purpose, from my mission and from my core desired feelings. For all the leaps and bounds that occur when making progress, the pain, self-doubt and self-analysis goes into overdrive. I need to quieten my mind and gently detach. Get out of my head and back into my body and ask myself, "what really matters?"
I questioned myself for the millionth time about whether the hustle and pursuing the work I'm passionate about is worth it, earlier this week. Within 2 hours of that thought form I had an impromptu half hour conversation with someone and they walked away feeling better and more supported than before we spoke.
Thanks Universe. I needed the reminder that YES, all the hustle, self-doubt, falling down and getting back up again (over and over and over) is necessary. It's necessary because the gifts I bring into the world are needed, even if it takes a long time to be seen and heard. Perhaps this resonates with you too.
For most of my life I made myself the quietest and the smallest, to not be seen or heard. That's the outcome emotional trauma had on me. It made me want to not be seen. It made me want to not be heard. It was easier to be shy and quiet, than to stand up alone and be a voice. What could I possibly say that could be of value or benefit to anyone?
Whilst the not wanting to be seen or heard was a distinct outcome, it wasn't a conclusion. The decision was not final and I certain did not make the deal.
A few years ago, I awakened something, or perhaps it was the other way around. Something awakened me. I'm still not entirely sure. I was searching for something and I pursued it with fervour. I wanted answers and I was prepared to go the distance to get them. I enrolled in so many online classes - a melting pot of creativity, healing and life purpose discovery. I found out who I was when I painted in my art journal and on canvas. Art and creativity were the way I expressed my voice which was still scared to be heard. Intuition is a big part of this transformative work.
I eventually stepped tentatively into the shoes of my true identity and even though I've fought about whether it was the real me or not, I knew that it was. No mistake was made here. My intuition has been a huge beacon and whilst I denied it for a long time, I know to my core that I am who I am.
Lately my mind has been plagued with questions like, "am I doing enough?", "am I doing the right things?", "is anyone actually getting anything out of what I create?". I feel truly vulnerable sharing my inner workings. It has occurred to me that I haven't done much of that in this space for quite some time. I've been riffing and storytelling at my in person events and diverted all my thoughts and feelings there and not giving myself the time to write, reflect and share. I love in person events and how I can just roll with the conversation and what is needed.
I'll say it again. Personal growth is painful. But you need to feel it. you need to be in this place. I promise you, it will make sense.
Sometimes it gets dark within (my heart, my soul). I second guess myself and my life purpose many more times now that I'm an awakened soul with goals and dreams, than when I was too afraid to try. There is no 'too afraid' for me now. The purpose of all this inspiration, all this stress, all this hustling & all this constant work to the point of exhaustion (hello, the past week and a bit) is because my intention when working with others is for them to walk away feeling and knowing that the choices they make to be happy are their choices, that their happiness hinges not on what others think of them, but what they think of themselves.
In the midst of deep healing and painful personal growth, I can still say that all of this is worth it. You have to crack open, even if you feel like you are breaking open in order to up-level your life. You have to see that you are worth this time for this unfolding and recalibration of your Self to take place. To make way for a bigger and bolder future, that only you have the power to create for your Self.
There's a not-so-secret ingredient to personal growth success. Want to know what it is? Part two of The Uncensored Truth will be published soon. Bookmark the blog and join the mailing list to receive your free Creative Fire eBook. Have a great weekend. Sharyn xo
Hello, I'm Sharyn: Founder of of Gutsy Girl and Gutsy Girls Will Rule The World. I am the Creatrix of Sacred Circle Leadership Training and Gutsy Mantras.
Get to know me on my About page.
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