Excitement (and anxiety) for my trip to Vietnam (Hanoi, Sapa, Halong Bay) and Taipei, Taiwan is building. The last few weeks have involved buying trekking clothes, breaking in my new hiking boots and collating all of my daughter's clothing which no longer fits her. Pretty pleased with the quantity of warm clothing I've amassed to donate to the kids in Sapa. Now to buy stationery supplies and Aussie souvenirs.
I'll be away for 2 weeks and it will be the first time I've spent more than a few nights away from my little girl, and I've never been away this long from my husband. We've been together 10 years and whilst it feels like those 10 years have flown by, I feel like we've been together forever (in a good way!).
I intend to dig deep and really do some soul searching during this time away. Away from work, the city, the noise, the luxuries. I need this time to plan some dreams out too. I've always felt very lucky to be where I am, but I can tell you it has been hard. Emotionally hard. You know that saying, "Don’t judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.” ? Someone might look happy, content, at peace, not a worry in the world, but it might not be their truth, what you see might not be their true face. It doesn’t mean they are lying to you or being dishonest, it could be for reasons of self protection, it could be to protect you from the lies they’ve been telling themselves.
Wearing your true face is near impossible when you are dealing with inner turmoil, trauma, anxiety or ill health - whatever your problem may be. It is pretty damned exhausting plastering on a brave face, acting like you are fully functional, in full robot mode when you just want to hide. You don't want to share your problems with the world, you don't want people to worry, you don't want people judging you, labeling you (when you have already labeled yourself), you don't want to appear weak, you don't want people saying "you'll get over it", "that's a silly thing to think", "everything will be alright", because whilst you might be alright eventually, if you have suffered some hardship whether it be financial, emotional or spiritual or all of the above, things weren't all right and it will take time to truly feel alright. And in that alrightness (not a word, I know), will be acceptance, a shift in thinking, a shift in how you look at yourself. That's where you might be now, admitting it to yourself for the first time in too many years, trying to fix yourself, fix your life, fix your way of thinking. Saying to yourself that you aren't Broken, you have just gone through some hard stuff that you never could talk to anyone about because you thought it was a non-issue so you buried it, because you never had anyone back then, so why would anyone be there for you now?
It's damned hard to share it with your family and friends if you are anything like me. But I've had breakthroughs the past few weeks, I'm letting my family and friends in (the ones I feel I can talk to about anything, the ones who really know me who can see my happy face, but know there is sadness underneath but can just be there anyway) for the first time I’m not pushing down the pain. I am scared, I worry that I can't get past things and I cry when I need to, but you know what? That's how I am feeling, I'm showing exactly how I feel for once. There is freedom in that, there is joy in that and above all, there is HOPE. I’ve broken the cycle and I have love, support and friendships I can count on. Finally I am feeling freer than I have ever felt.
Hello, I'm Sharyn: Gutsy Girl Chieftess, Founder of of Gutsy Girl and Gutsy Girls Will Rule The World. I am the Creatrix of Sacred Circle Leadership Training and Gutsy Mantras.
Get to know me on my About page.
I'm so pleased you are here!
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