During one of the busiest times of my life where my biggest fears and dreams were colliding and pending fulfilment and accomplishment, my beloved had a cycling accident and broke his collarbone. It's been tough for both of us and tough for our little family. I confess that I am not the easiest person to live with when there is multiple difficult or stressful things going on. I literally drown in all of it emotionally (being an empath and highly sensitive is a blessing and a curse). I always try and have been trying to learn the best ways of coping but sometimes it all fails and I have meltdowns and anger overwhelms me. I am not perfect. I am not infallible and last time I checked, no human is.
My beloved is now 3 weeks into his recovery, and doing all he can to return to normality running his own business, being a husband, taking care of our daughter and helping out at home. It's a long recovery for a broken bone and for someone who is usually active and up with the birds every single day. I feel for him because not only is he in pain and can't sleep very comfortably, he had a big goal he was working towards and unfortunately the accident meant that he had to pull out of the competition he had been training solidly for the last 6+ months. If you were to look up determination in the dictionary, I think you might see a photo of him in there! I have learned a lot about accomplishment, willpower and determination from how hard he goes at what he wants to achieve. I'm not a sporty person at all, but I completely understand the mentality of being your own best competition and to excel in what you do.
It's not nice to see someone you love have their dreams squashed or put on hold for another time.
It was our 10 year wedding anniversary on 18 March and unfortunately we were unable to do what we had planned to celebrate the day. We made sure we did something nice - lunch out at a cafe we like to chill out in and a visit to a crystal shop (ok the last part is something I really like to do!), but a part of me couldn't help feeling shitty that after all the knocks and challenges we've had in our almost 13 years together, we had to take another blow around a time where we were meant to be celebrating. Decades earlier than expected, there I was cutting my my husband meal for our anniversary dinner at home so he could eat steak!
The foundation of our relationship has always been strong. It was built that way from the moment we reunited at Edinburgh Airport baggage claim in 2002 some 4 weeks after we first met, to living in a tiny cell like studio we rented in London while I temped and he had no luck finding work, to returning home and living with my parents for 2 months, to stints of unemployment, health - anxiety, bouts of depression, adrenal fatigue (mainly me over and over again) - reminding me of the words of Pema Chodron "nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know", abandonment by friends who couldn't deal, motorcycling crashes (both of us - one on our honeymoon) and cycling accidents. I would go as far to say that the love we have and the foundation we have is unbreakable.
So back to the title of this blog post. I've felt the pressure BIG time lately - so many competing priorities, responsibilities and future-thinking all that needs to be done, while trying to raise our girl, support my beloved (failing dismally at times), run my events, build my business, study, work at my day job and rein my emotions and sensitivities in (which I simply can't because to be myself is to release my emotions and just Be). I've shown the pressure, with a bad attitude, headaches that go on for days at a time, lack of sleep, moodiness and secret and not-so-secret crying. But then on Sunday night so much of that pain and stress fell away when I was cooking dinner. My beloved came into the kitchen to give me a kiss, one armed hug & to say that he appreciates all I've done and thanking me for it. I am bordering on tears as I type this. That's the incredible power of thank you. Thank you. It's like saying a prayer from your heart to another. You don't realise until that moment that it is all you needed to hear when you feel like you are carrying everything on your shoulders.
I'd love to hear how the power of love and the power of Thank You has affected you in a beautiful way. Please share in the comments.
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Hello, I'm Sharyn: Gutsy Girl Chieftess, Founder of of Gutsy Girl and Gutsy Girls Will Rule The World. I am the Creatrix of Sacred Circle Leadership Training and Gutsy Mantras.
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